you oughta know better you know, you oughta know

okay so here is my life that is not resembling much of a life right now. i am holed up in my room, sixth day in a row, writing yet another paper. i am either researching for papers or writing them, which isn't very fun at all. yesterday i did the easiest one in the bunch: homoeroticism in twelfth night. tonight i am doing the significance of notre dame de paris, which you would think is really easy because it only requires two sources and we can use our coursepack but it is always the oversimplified ones that hurt the most. yesterday's paper was six pages, seven including a works cited, and tonight's is eight pages/however many pages two-thousand words gets you. last weekend was the epic twelve pager and for the rest of the weekend it's the even more epic, if that is at all possible, twelve-fifteen pager italian renaissance research paper. i am borderline anxious and feel as though i am capsizing. sometimes my heart goes all pitter-pattery in the wrong kinds of ways where i feel like it might explode so i can start all over again. but then, sometimes, it feels calm, as if i can do this all. oh yeah, these next two papers are due on monday and i am not even including the massive comprehensive essay i have to write for my third year english course not due until the eighth.

time management hasn't been my friend for a little while now so i am trying to stick to a severe writing schedule for the next four days. fuck my life. repeat, rinse, repeat.

i am not complaining, merely explaining why i feel so agitated most days as if my head will pop off. also i gave up sugar and i feel like now probably wasn't the best time to do it. my official break without work or exams or wisdom teeth extraction begins on december twenty-third. oh sure i've got breaks in-between plus a twelve day in a row working stretch but such is life.

in other news,
i have no other news. the only other bit of news i have is stupid and i hate it and makes me cringe most times because it feels a bit like a moment in grade twelve all over again. it does not resemble grade twelve at all but there is a similarity in feeling here that clearly occurred back then.

i keep looking at the A- on my film response in my english class as motivation but it's hard when, after sunday, i'll have been doing a ten day stretch of work. i think i may just pass out on the floor on monday and pretend the past little while didn't happen. i will go from november seventh to december first with forced amnesia and remember absolutely nothing in-between. it already feels like i am starting to do so now.


break over!