but i see its end.
tuesdays i am a slob. i have more time at home to spend getting ready and lounging around before class and yet, fifteen minutes before i have to leave for the bus, i am not dressed. the lunch i usually take with me suffers and gets cut because picking out something decent and cool to wear always wins out. ( and yet i seem to never look as pulled together as one would assume!) i looked through my closets of clothes (yes, there's more than one) and i figured out what i have going on here and it is all wrong. i have casual pieces like jeans, t-shirts, sweaters and other such plain things mixed in with ultra trendy, shape specific outfits that do not seem to mesh very well. i love wearing cons but sometimes my tops are girly and it just doesn't mix. sometimes it does and those times i am over the moon because of my success. those times are rare these days. i try to opt for a single look and with jeans they are skinnies and with tops they are, well, anything that goes with a sweater--especially these days. if i had the cash to break out of this i would do it. if i could go on whatnot to wear without losing the two things i love the most about me (hair and makeup) i would. i should wear heels more. when it's spring. when will i run out of excuses?
i dreamt about new york the other day. we ended up at penn station, which looked a lot like times square mixed with a little bit of english flair, and i called my mom and told her we'd meet her at the kitchener train station in a few hours. it was raining and my sister and a few other friends were there. i told them about the subway and which line we'd have to take to get to columbia. i need to get to broadway and 116th( maybe?) street and see my school. we stopped at fifth. it wasn't raining anymore. i went in from store to store looking for my friends and bottled water. it turned into summer. in my dreams, new york in the summertime is always meshed with images of toronto and downtown kitchener/uptown waterloo, just with taller buildings. it looked like that again. we finally arrived NEAR columbia but not at the school and i was sad. i woke up then. maybe that is what is to happen from now on. i didn't apply in high school (or take the SATs) and when i was there in may i never did make it to columbia. maybe i will always be near it but never at the school and it's a metaphor for any and all accomplishments i try for in my life. i am always NEAR something (relationships, A+, good friendships, one nighters, etc.) but never quite there. am i an almost kind of person?
definitely an almost moment; he got in the way
