the book list came out today. that's it. that is the last glimpse into the school year that i will get for this summer until school starts on september fourteenth. first it was creating my schedule at the end of april, then registering for it in june and now seeing my precious books. i love this time before school starts. i seem to forget all the pain of writing papers and stupid class discussions or stupid people in class and me wandering aimlessly around campus like a ghost. the latter was really more in first year than this year.
i am sitting in the heat writing in thick black block letters something that i hope will get me out of my current situation. i don't particularly have a problem with anything right now because i am relaxing away my last few weeks of this craptapular summer but in the back of my brain the gnawing part of financial obligation is getting to me so i write. i write in hopes to get back to a place that i loved or rather was good to me, mostly, and make the money, the friends, the connections, the things i liked to do. i hate being new. i like knowing what i do and being good at it. for a time, i really was great at the things i did. it's just hard to turn around and crawl back, get down and have my fingernails dig into the ground and hope that something materializes out of it. i hate worrying.
so i will put on coconut records, relax and maybe make some late night pancakes before i settle into to che: part two. full report of that soon, although i can tell you now that it should have been one long four and a half hour movie. i am one of those people who don't bitch about the length of a movie.
