what is it that you're missing?

everything.

what is that you want?

everything.

i feel so creatively drained right now. in a few weeks i have to make a poster for my hamlet seminar that represents what my production will look like. i love doing shit like that but the thought of scrap booking and ripping through magazines makes me weary. anything makes me weary these days.

i wanted to kick it high school and go back to a time when i was dripping with irresponsibility and cockiness. dripping! but that is not entirely feasible because doing such things makes me cringe since, like it or not, now i am soaked in responsibility and have changed. i submersed myself in all things from back then a few weeks ago and felt so different. maybe not a good different but it's something.

i am all kinds of rambling and incoherent. i don't want to be vicariously anymore. active, not passive. i am actively ruining my academic career by desiring certain things so much.

i am actively doing something that might change everything. literally.