i am wearing the most comfortable pajama pants in the world. i have my hair tossed up in a towel to air dry and i am taking a break from god knows what. i haven't done anything since four-thirty this afternoon!
this is normally the week where i would feel awful about myself but i am somehow liberated. it's odd how, in high school all i did was worry about the boys and all the baggage that came with it. now, as an adult, though that is just between you and me, i feel that has shifted in someway to appearance and the crazy pressures of society. only that's just it: i don't feel pressures from elsewhere, it's completely internal. unless it is societal pressures so internalized that i spit it back out as something different when it really isn't. my head hurts. worrying is for suckers. i worry about school work and if i am a good enough writer, though i can admit a wordy sentence or two, but why worry about stupid shit like that?
i needed to vent.
my life has been nothing but school and dreaming about things when i know i should not set myself up for ridiculous expectations. nice and easy, takin' it slow; so slow, it's kind of like a snail. it is slow but it's soothing in some way. i only hope that i don't "what if" this into negativity and it is shattered. if it isn't something, then it isn't something. i wish i could be so "whatever" about things all the time.
top three tracks this week:
11th dimension--julian casablancas
tourist--julian casablancas
where does the good go?--tegan and sara
it's high school revival with a little bit of dirty new york soul a la julian casablancas. he is a fucking genius. i am so fucking excited to see tegan and sara in january. it's about damn time; only five years later...
i wrote a poem and have been meaning to put it up here. i've been writing a play and i hope it is something. maybe even screenplay. how novel. i need to blow dry my hair.
