sunday evening

despite how i do my hair and makeup, or maybe because of it, i don't actually know a damn thing about beautifying oneself. i read the back of makeup packets and look confused when i try to figure out how to contour my eyelid. i know foundation but that took years to master. i know i have small brown eyes and that sometimes-- or a lot of the time-- people compare me to kat von d. i don't want to be compared to her. ditching the black eyeshadow was pretty much fueled by that. but i digress!! (a million exclamation marks)!! i looked at my hair today, all limp and brownish-red and was sort of disappointed. if my biggest (surface) problem right now is having a couple of bad hair days, i think i've got it pretty easy. bumps on the side of my head are not cool. i don't really know how to pin things back properly so i half-ass it. i am so impatient. impatience isn't good for the beautifying process. i should stop calling it that because it doesn't necessarily make me anymore beautiful, it should enhance the natural things i've got going for me. it only took me about ten years and countless horrible makeup/hair mistakes to get to that epiphany but i'm here, damnit (janet)! although i do sometimes miss the electric blue eyeshadow phase i had. or perhaps the icy, neon shadows that looked so awesome with black eyeliner. grades nine through eleven were very interesting.