today has been a trying day. my body finally succumbed to the flu and inbetween my burning fever and frigid cold shakes i had to send my best gal back to england. there is no way i will ever stop the crying on those days. today though, we blamed it on my sickness. she felt bad because she didn't cry like me but she was going home so why cry? it felt like perfect symmetry to have her home. a week after almost three years is never enough. and yet, it felt like we've been living near to one another for ages.
the year changed over, apparently. i can barely remember it. it was an odd kind of a new year's. the little i do remember is a burning rage toward smugness. burning. that and how frustrated i was with stupidly spitting tequila all over myself. who does that? i got kicked out of a stupid bar, ended up with familiar faces, and one face i kind of detest now, and said happy new year because everyone else was and then floated through time. it was one of the most surreal night's in a long while.
i feel confident in the so-called resolutions i have made for myself. it's a stupid thing to set up expectations and think you'll actually follow through with them. but this year it's different. perhaps it's because my main theme of this refreshment in time is to not care as much and chill the fuck out. you're gonna do what you want to do and so will i. i can easily save ten grand in three months so why don't i? just do it. deciding not to apply to and/or go to grad school a few months ago was the catalyst for that. i have no real plans for this year, besides moving out, which fits in nicely with what i am going for. college? if they accept me. increased yoga? ahh that's a must but not a pressured kind of deal. pulling y'all closer? of course. i have eightish more months of work until freedom and in about four of those months, i'll have been at sun life for a year. fuck buckets. this year won't speed by me like the last eight months of twenty-ten did. no ma'am.
i really need to buy a new wall calendar. right now though, i really need vaseline for my nose and another advil.
