so i have to make a budget. my excel spreadsheet is open, blank and ready to have numbers inserted into its cells. i work with excel everyday--filter, autofilter, search-- but i don't really do anything with it. i have never made a budget using excel. it's the littlest big first so far.
i've never lived on my own before, let alone trying to do so with school, so the task is a bit daunting. it's not just a bit, i suppose, it's mind-fucking and weird. things are put into perspective. do i need that magazine or nail polish? will i actually wear that dress? i have to pay for a cellphone, cable, internet, rent, cat food, litter, groceries and a TTC pass, just to name a few biggies. i will be doing this all on my own. osap? maybe but i still have that funny business of my debt for going to laurier. entertainment? i love concerts and i will finally be in the city i have been religiously going to for the past six years because of that love.
the excel spreadsheet is still blank.
i packed up my winter clothes/ pjs/ grubby clothes last night. that isn't even most or half of my closet. i have a lot of shit. but it was an odd experience knowing that i won't see these shirts or pants until september. everything will be this nostalgic for me. i have the empty nest syndrome and my nest isn't even empty. it isn't even my nest! pouring over subway maps and bus routes and google streetviews of neighborhoods doesn't really help this quiet panic. i suppose it's a bit loud now.
tomorrow will be green. find me a date before may?
