writer's block. this is no good at all since this essay is due tomorrow. i have all day, right? writing here is a warm-up for my brain. it gets my creativity flowing and exercises my fingertips for typing.
i was struck by something i read this morning and i felt a twang of sadness for that person. it's nothing life-changing or huge, it's just that this person believes so much in something that i do not think exists anymore. patience is virtuous, or so i have been told, and waiting on a man that wholly encompasses all of your qualifications will make the wait worthwhile. but what if he doesn't exist? what if he only exists in the literature you read, the literature of the 19th century, or the movies you watch? what if all these characters are so unrealistic but fit into your belief system so completely that you are now tricked into a life of perpetual loneliness because you won't accept that they may not exist? if someone wrote them, they must be true. you don't ask a person these questions, you don't tell them the harsh reality. i have, on occasion, just sat around waiting for perfection to fall into my lap. you must have these qualities on my impossible checklist and if you don't, it's your fault, not mine. but i have given way for the possibility of wholly opposite or flawed persons because having sameness is truly boring after awhile. but i don't sit and wait for some mr.darcy, or some other character, to walk into my life, existing the way that he does in the literature. they should have general qualities of whatever you want but to label someone like or not like this character, you are doomed from the beginning. by placing that on a person and expecting the result to be what you fantasize, you will be disappointed time and again.
but why do we still do it? why do we set the impossible goals? why we, or why me? i do it because i think there is something inherently wrong with me; not to say that there is something inherently wrong with you, i am just odd to the core. it's funny to see that, in a time of progression and moving forward, some people stay firmly behind and expect life to turn out how it did over a century ago. i like to straddle the line between yesterday and tomorrow and foolishly live out 1960s fantasies in my 21st century world but i do not place it on relationships. to expect the prospect you want to be a 19th century male in a 21st century world is ridiculous and unsettling because it makes me wonder if you will be a 19th century woman in a 21st century world.
