our social interactions are disintegrating. the boundaries we place around ourselves are much worse than any emotional ones we can predict and yet those seem much more perfectly acceptable . the idea of building a wall up around ones heart for protection is unnerving while staying couped up inside a house- with legitimate walls-and forging a relationship through technology is fine. it's more than fine. it's the norm. our generation is in such an ambivalent place. do we give in to the inevitable technological coup, which, let's be honest, has already happened or do we try to look back and to what we had, trying vainly to revive it, before these things became accessible? is it hypocrisy to straddle both realms and not choose one or the other? i say this because i find it is harder than ever to really connect with someone these days. it may be my own fault, most times i am trying to pitch whatever is considered bad from my life and then regret it instantly. i don't necessarily mean connect with someone in a relationship situation, even friendships too. i hate the phone, i always have, but i'd rather it be that than what we have now. i miss voices and faces and coffee dates or walks around town. i miss things i don't fully comprehend but long for them because they must be better than this. time progresses and it is said that with each year, each experience, things are supposed to get better and eclipse whatever came before it. this is true, to an extent, but we are going so fast that one cannot stop to breathe and live in the moment that they have; we are always rushing to get somewhere else.

she said to me, i hope someday that you have people like that in your life. i said, so quietly, me too. i think i do. i hope i do.

i need the city under my steps. i need the sparkle of a new dress. i need the shine of a freshly clean cocktail glass. i need you. i really do. but i don't think you can truly give me what i need.